Anxiety is the Dizziness of Freedom

안녕하세요! Hello!

This update includes music from a versatile jazz musician, a bone-chilling show about Korean military life, and a book that reads like a dream (but not in the way you think). Enjoy!

Listening

Kim Oki - Anxiety is the Dizziness of Freedom (불안은 자유의 현기증)

The saxophonist, Kim Oki, is not a cookie-cutter musician. His music creeps under the skin, reminding listeners of the depth of human emotion, both the good and bad. Kim Oki's songs range from soft jazz, to techno, to genre-less discordant chaos, and their themes cover the spectrum of love and depression. The musician's not afraid to explore uncomfortable topics such as a prejudice, religion, or social ills (such as those featured in UnemploymentBankrupcyDivorceDebtSuicide Rest Stop, a song detailing the miserable life of an unnamed nobody.).
Kim's most recent collaboration with Moon Yirang is as compelling as Kim's other works. Anxiety is the Dizziness of Freedom gives an accurate depiction of anxiety by creating an other-worldly atmosphere. The hypnotic sounds remind listeners of the lonely, disconnected space individuals enter as anxiety dissociates them from their surroundings.
Though at times his art feels disconcerting, Kim Oki's music can comfort those who feel deeply but find their emotions difficult to express. I hope you all find solace in his music like I do.
Below, a selection of the original and translated lyrics from UnemploymentBankrupcyDivorceDebtSuicide Rest Stop.

그 사람의 친구 중 / Of that person's friends
한 명이 빈소에 있다 / One is at the funeral home
육개장을 가끔 떠먹으며 / Sometimes while eating Yukgaejang stew
소주를 들이부었다 / That friend poured him soju
그 사람의 친구 중 / Of that person's friends
한 명은 곧 너무 취했다 / One soon became very drunk
빈소를 빠져나왔다 걸었다 / And walking away, left the funeral home behind.

Kim Su-Cheol - Unfinished Bloom (못다된 꽃한송이)

I discovered the song Unfinished Bloom through this Korean Old Vinyls Spotify Playlist, and was immediately drawn to the song's melancholy chords. As I searched for a way to share Unfinished Bloom with others, I discovered a popular contestant on the show Sing Again performed a cover of the 1983 song in January this year. The song's continued use after almost 40 years speaks to its significance, and the contestant's rock star performance makes for a wonderful tribute.
Below, a 1984 recording of Unfinished Bloom by Kim Su-cheol and the 2021 performance on Sing Again.

Watching

Squid Game

Some words on this mega-hit Netflix series:

I watched the first episode

Hmmm

I read the rest of the plot on Wikipedia

Cool if you watched it

Cool if you didn't

It's all cool

Still, it's very exciting to see a Korean drama do so well in the US! Though the real life reenactments of this violent drama are a bit disconcerting....
Below, the trailer:

A 2021 Netflix series about military deserters and the soldiers tasked with tracking them down. The show, while enjoyable on it's own, has a clear purpose. This 6-episode series draws attention to issues that arise from abuse among draftees in Korea's mandatory military service. In this drama, bullying takes place unchecked and forces soldiers to flee. Sometimes these deserters seek an escape in death, but other times they decide to fight back.

An article from the South China Morning Post gives more detail into the inspiration behind DP, such as real life incidents of suicide, sexual harassment, and murder motivated by trauma from fellow soldiers. While some individuals argue military culture has improved over the years, the fact that DP and similar tales still resonate with audiences proves much change remains to be seen.

Reading

Untold Day and Night by Bae Suah; translation by Deborah Smith

I wasn't sure about this book at first, but I guess that's because I went in expecting a linear story. Rather than drawing me into a plot, reading Untold Day and Night felt like remembering a dream. In this dream, I was a woman having dinner with a young man, who at some point turns into a celebrity. We're at a restaurant, but then the location changes and I become a man remembering having eaten with a young woman during a picnic. Never in the dream do I question the absurdity, and never does this book either. The fluid identity and unfixed plot of dreams transfer into this strange, yes, and also brilliantly conceived novel. Who are we, really? the book asks. Was that really me on that screen? Was that really you on that phone? Or maybe that was me calling you?
Believe it or not this is the most accurate book review I can give you. Happy reading.

Writing

I've been thinking a lot about expectations, even expectations of mundane things. This is how a thing must look, must feel, where it ought to be and for how long. What would it mean to exist without anyone aware? What would we be if no one thought any thoughts about us?

Doing

Visited home from September to October. It was quite a healing trip as small town life gently asked me to calm down, eat good food, and play with my parents' kittens. I almost stayed longer but felt the somewhat-less-gentle call of Korea. Some of my calmness has remained, however, and for that I am grateful.

Small Town USA a few days before Halloween

Below, the caffeinated kitten and the grumpy grandma:

Thinking-The Magic of Not Trying to Explain

Squid Game, the popular Netflix drama I briefly mentioned above, is one of the newest examples of foreign language content making a splash on American shores. Everyone from journalists to TikTok stars have discussed the show, and make various interesting observations. Some viewers picked up on the show's critique of capitalism, while others picked up on the need for more careful translations. These represent two of the many arguments that both drew the show closer to an American understanding (many of us have much to say about capitalism) and thrust it back towards Korea. Now, having been poked and prodded Squid Game's given way to new Netflix darlings like Arcane and Hellbound, and in the aftermath I'm left to wonder whether all the examination of Squid Game truly strengthened the connection between Western and Korean audiences.

In this world overflowing with content I forget to recognize the magical community that forms when two people groups enter the same digital space. Instead, I immediately analyze. Koreans, Westerners, those from Southeast Asia or the Middle East, we all occupy the same figurative space when we consume the same contents. Unfortunately, I rarely linger on this magical connection and quickly skip to critical analysis. Why is it popular here? What's the true meaning of the show? What does it show about Korean society? Is this really a good representation of the original?

There is good in examination, but there is also good in letting things be. It's a marvel that Korea and the US can enjoy the same stories, and a reminder that we occupy this world together. They enjoy, and so do we. We are together in this way, and we are equal.

A shot from a Korean musical, streamed on YouTube for a limited time to draw interest from overseas viewers. Another example of sharing stories.

After asking so many questions about Korean content during my MA I'm ready to quiet some of my analysis and simply enjoy community. I don't need to focus on mutual capitalist critiques when watching Squid Game, or identify with BTS lyrics. I can, but I don't have to. We can dance together, and we can watch together, and we recognize these pop culture overlaps for what they are–magical.

Seeing

An art exhibition by Minsoo Bahn.

Incheon

Seoul

끝까지 함께 해 주셔서 고맙습니다. 다음에 또 만납시다!

(Thanks for reading to the end. Let's meet again next time!)

Comments

April 2020 "수고했어 오늘도 (You did well today)"

Somewhere in Seoul 지금 힘들지? 수고했어 오늘도. (soo-go-hay-so oh-neul-do. "These days it's hard, right? You did well today".) Soo-go-hay-so oh-neul-do (Literally, "You made an effort today as well.") is a commonly used phrase between friends to reassure one another that each did all they could for the day, just like every other day. The word, 수고했어 (soo-go-hay-so), implies not only that one did a good job but that they expended much effort and energy to complete that job. As such the receiver feels recognized and reassured that their work endeavors were not in vain. This phrase also serves as an automatic greeting between office workers after a long day, and customers give a variation of the phrase to employees at the end of an interaction (soo-go-ha-say-yo "Keep making an effort"). It's kind of like saying "Have a nice day." An artist created a cute song around the idea of 수고했어 오늘도, which I listened to after excellently failing the Korean langua...

Nov/Dec 2019—Ddong and Slang

What I'm Up to *Sung to the tune of 12 Days of Christmas* ♪ In the month of December my studies asked of me~ 5+ boxes to pack 4 AM bedtime 3 long papers 2 demanding finals and a Con~fucian presentation~~~♪ I had a pretty packed last couple weeks at school, but complaining about that isn't really what I want this blog to be about. I'll just say it took about 1 1/2 weeks after coming back to the US to recover from the not-so-healthy way I treated myself during finals week and from the jetlag. Finally my headache's gone, my neck isn't sore, and I don't wake up at 2 AM hungry for a bowl of cereal anymore. I've also been able to do the things I haven't in 16 months, like bother my cat (with looove ), bake, drink proper black coffee, and receive some much needed mommy hugs. Now that I'm feeling healthy again and the busy holidays are over I'm settling in for the next 45-ish days until I return to Korea. When my family came to meet me at th...

Oct-Dec 2020 "Comfort Me by Being Comforted"

What I'm Up To Gave myself a blogging break this past semester because these posts take more than a day to complete, and I wasn't interested in adding undue stress. I also had to spend time writing for NOVAsia , my grad school's magazine. This semester I published 2 articles, one about the relationship between K-pop and the Black Lives Matter movement , and one about Korea's "slow" consumption . I also participated in 2 podcasts covering the US presidential election and discussing Navajo culture with an exchange student from the Navajo nation . (I'm a novice so be kind in your criticisms, please.) I have another article about COVID-inspired street art that's currently going through its first round of editing, and I'll add a link🔗 once it's complete. 😄 If you're interested, I do hope you'll take a look! (Link now added!) Let's see, what else? One of the artists that inspired my article goes by the alias, Mr. Tongue. After notic...

Itaewon-"You have set my feet in a broad place."

Titles from articles that emerged after the October 29th crowd crush disaster. (links at bottom of page) Sometime during the pandemic, I found myself wishing to enter a "broad place," like the broad places mentioned in the Bible: "You have set my feet in a broad place; You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way; He induced you away from the mouth of distress, And instead of it, a broad place with no constraint." I took a photo of the park on top of a hill, cut out the buildings below, and wrote, "If you angle the camera just right you can almost believe it's not the middle of the city." I told a friend I wanted to visit a broad place once, and he took me to a cafe in Bukhansan. Windows covered the walls from top to bottom to show the green mountain outside. I could easily appreciate the trees, and when we walked the path outside the air smelled like rain. YONHAP/Reuters When I left my school's dorm, I first lived in a ...

January 2020 "In the Absence"

General Update I've been in Missouri the entire month of January, but that doesn't mean I have nothing Korean-related to write about! On the contrary I've had loads of time to finish some assigned readings I was too busy for during the semester, study language, watch dramas and music videos, and overall keep up with Korea happenings. I've also had time for some silly things , like lip-syncing to Korean songs. It may not sound like a worthwhile activity but it helps with language learning and pretending to rap is just too darn fun. 😂 I love recreating artists' facial expressions as I try to keep up with the lyrics, but I rarely indulged in lip-syncing while living in a dorm because I was afraid my roommate would walk in unexpectantly and recognize me for the embarrassment I a m. 😳 But now that I'm home and there's usually no one but the cat to judge me, I embrace the opportunity to look a fool. The song Miroh by Stray Kids (link) is the song I'm...

Even in Korea—/Watching the cherry blossoms bloom—/I long for Korea

K-dramaland Nostalgia With (a cardboard cutout of) the male lead of Boys Over Flowers in 2016. Even in Korea— Watching the cherry blossoms bloom— I long for Korea.* I've lived in Korea almost 4 years, yet I often find myself wishing I lived in Korea. This being the Korea I envisioned 8 years ago when I was first introduced to the country's pop culture. My then steady diet of K-drama, K-pop, and variety shows, the most accessible entertainment options for overseas audiences, shaped my vision of Korea into a fun, romantic, and sexy country. "Korea feels like Hogwarts, a fantasy land," I'd told my friends. I knew the country was much more than that in principal, but I couldn't remove the emerald glasses I'd donned. Sometimes me and other K-culture fans would whisper about the 'dark side of Korea.' "The school system is so intense! Did you know they all wake up at 5 and sleep at midnight?" "K-pop stars are hardly allowed to eat! And th...

June/July 2020–Pansori and Korean Novels

How I'm Doing Annyeonghaseyo! Is it raining where you are? Korea's experiencing its monsoon season at the moment and I'm growing gills. My hair's unmanageable, I sweat just by walking outside, and I keep getting alerts about rising waters and even a landslide. Hope nothing gets as bad as what happened to the Kim family's home in Parasite... Even though humidity reaches 90% saturation and every day experiences heavy rainfall there are still lots of people out and about. Nearly every store sets their umbrellas out front so no one will be caught without and buildings set out stations with umbrella-shaped plastic bags so water doesn't leak all over the floors. Thanks to these conveniences the rainy season doesn't feel very inconvenient, just physically uncomfortable. During these days it's best just to enjoy the rain from indoors with a cup of coffee. Kinda what monsoon season feels like Quick update on June: papers papers papers Glad we got tha...

"the struggle that we wage"

"Allegory" by Philip Guston Doing "We're born with infinite possibilities, only to give up on one after another. To choose one thing means to give up another. That's inevitable. But what can you do? That's what it is to live.” -Hayao Miyazaki, The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness I once wrote that the future only materializes once you hack away the foliage and look at the path you made, but I didn't realize hacking would take so long. I changed countries to pursue a new route 6 months ago, but this route didn't materialize, and I find myself in the same situation I tried to escape. " Your life is full of possibilities! " That promise from childhood looms over me once again. " So many possibilities! So many chances to make the wrong decision!" The fear of choosing incorrectly keeps me frantically swinging from one open door to another, and I never close or enter any. If only someone else would reach through and pull me to the other sid...

May 2020 "To See with Eyes Unclouded by Hate"

To See with Eyes Unclouded by Hate This quote comes from the Studio Ghibli film, Princess Mononoke. Lots of viewers remember these words because they matter, and they matter because they speak to every situation. Why are you in Korea? To see with eyes unclouded by hate. Why are you listening to music you don't even understand? To see with eyes unclouded by hate. Why are you marching in the gay pride parade when you're not gay? To see with eyes unclouded by hate. Why are you participating in racial protests when you're white? To see with eyes unclouded by hate. I find I hate less when I'm sharing the same space and looking at the same things. This is why I came to Korea. I knew almost nothing about the peninsula until college, but then I began listening to Korean music, watching Korean shows, and eating Korean food. Meanwhile I never listened to black music, never watched films with a majority of black actors, and rarely shared meals with black people. This is how I le...

February 2020 "The dog doesn't know: why you're sad today. But the dog knows: that you are sad."

How I'm Doing I think some higher power might be trying to discourage me from being in Korea. 10 days before my scheduled flight my dermatologist decided she needed to test one of moles to see if anything serious was up, then the day before I left she wanted to get the whole thing removed. So, yeah, that's how I ended up getting a minor surgery the day before a 13 hour flight. Not only did I have this health concern to think about but due to the growing corona virus threat Yonsei decided to postpone the beginning of classes 2 weeks, and they notified us that dorms would house quarantined students from Asian countries. This presented a problem since I was due to move into the dorms, so I frantically began searching for a new place to call home. I'd already bought a flight ticket for a couple days before I reached the 60 day limit my scholarship allows me to stay in another country, so even if I had no where to return to I was still required to return . The school la...

Americano Juseyo

Search This Blog