April 2020 "수고했어 오늘도 (You did well today)"

Somewhere in Seoul

지금 힘들지? 수고했어 오늘도. (soo-go-hay-so oh-neul-do. "These days it's hard, right? You did well today".) 

Soo-go-hay-so oh-neul-do (Literally, "You made an effort today as well.") is a commonly used phrase between friends to reassure one another that each did all they could for the day, just like every other day. The word, 수고했어 (soo-go-hay-so), implies not only that one did a good job but that they expended much effort and energy to complete that job. As such the receiver feels recognized and reassured that their work endeavors were not in vain. This phrase also serves as an automatic greeting between office workers after a long day, and customers give a variation of the phrase to employees at the end of an interaction (soo-go-ha-say-yo "Keep making an effort"). It's kind of like saying "Have a nice day." An artist created a cute song around the idea of 수고했어 오늘도, which I listened to after excellently failing the Korean language exam last year. 🤣

Above: 수고했어 오늘도 (You Did Well Today)

I wanted to mention this phrase because I know everyone needs to remember they are doing the best they can, but I mostly mentioned it because I need to hear it. I've never felt more isolated from my home country than I do right now. Yes, there's a virus here too, but my experience has never been the same as those of you stuck at home. When I look at the news or social media I feel like I'm looking at a different world. And it's confusing because all the content seems to suggest every country experiences the pandemic the same way the US does. They don't. The biggest difference is perhaps the mentality of the public. Asia's more used to viruses and though Korea's taking it seriously and some people are genuinely scared, no one here has looked at the situation and assumed the sky is falling, which is how I feel the US presents the situation (and frankly any other negative situation). Also no one in Korea has ever been under stay at home orders unless they're suspected carriers of the virus.

Korea closed schools and other public institutions but any other closure was strictly up to its citizens. The government put in place something called an "Enhanced Social Distancing Campaign" that encouraged everyone to stay home unless necessary, but it was ultimately the call of the individual. Furthermore, since the amount of virus cases each day for the past few weeks has decreased to below 20, and most of these come from overseas, the "Enhanced Social Distancing Campaign" has lessened its intensity to become simply the "Social Distancing Campaign."

Everyone is still encouraged to wear masks, which pharmacies distribute each week. At first only those with the National Health Insurance could receive masks, and since most foreigners don't opt in for that option it was difficult for me to get what I needed. However, a couple weeks ago the government changed it's policy so that all I need's an ID. My guess is the government didn't "forget" about foreigners without health insurance, but decided to provide for Koreans first until the situation got better. Perhaps my assessment is a bit harsh, but foreigners are still not allowed to send pharmaceutical masks overseas (while Koreans can send to overseas Koreans), so I feel I might be right.

The email I received regarding the change in mask distribution policy.

Everything concerning the virus is incredibly well traced; when a case emerges the government finds out where the individual lives and works, the places they visited, and who they spoke to (using CCTV footage and information from interviews). When someone near my home gets the virus I get an emergency update, and if I click the link I can discover where they've been. The maps application has added red or orange lines to streets so I know the exact paths virus patients took.

 

The Naver Maps Application shows red and orange lines to indicate the paths COVID-19 patients took before hospitalization.

"Emergency Message

[Seodaemun-gu Office] Occurrence of the 19th COVID-19 patient (Patient from Abroad/Yeonhui-dong). Check the detailed information on the homepage and blog."

Through the emergency updates, I discovered a virus patient had gone to the same grocery store 2 hours before I visited, so I called the virus hotline. (Yup there's one of those.) I expressed my concern and said I'd been feeling under the weather lately (my anxiety, no doubt) but the woman on the other end told me I was at really low risk of catching anything and should wait until my symptoms got worse (they didn't). If the woman had felt more concerned she would've directed me to the nearest screening center where I'd have received a test.

Every day I check 2 sites that reveal greater details of virus cases. The first contains a detailed map of the entire country where dots indicate patients, and the colors of the dots pertain to how many days have passed since that case came to light. It helps me understand whether I'm near any potential outbreaks.


Korean Corona Map (link)

I also check the Korean CDC website which provides updated figures and graphs everyday detailing where and how new cases have materialized.
Korean CDC COVID-19 Updates (link)


This graph from the KCDC website shows the source of virus cases in the past two weeks (as of May 1st). As you can see most recent cases come from overseas (mostly the US and Europe). Since the beginning of April every single person no matter their nationality or which country they're coming from have to undergo a 2 week quarantine and a mandatory virus screening. If they break quarantine foreigners face deportation and domestic Koreans have to wear a bracelet that tracks their movements.

Perhaps these measures impinge on individual freedom from an American point of view, but I'd gladly give up my whereabouts if it meant keeping others safe. I guess in Korea the seriousness of the situation doesn't manifest itself so much in staying away from normal activities as in allowing oneself to be closely monitored, and in the case of becoming sick allowing personal information (not all, mind you) be revealed to the public.
The transparency and intense screening measures make many feel relatively safe, so I should feel that way too, right? But it's so hard. When all I see on social media are fearmongering news stories from the US, or posts about how everyone is social distancing I get scared and confused. Is it ok to go outside or not? Can I meet a friend? Am I a terrible person if I do? But as you can see from above my situation is not the same as the American Wild Wild West. Though I still refrain from crowded spaces I've passed cafes filled to the brim. You can comment all you like on whether those café goers are making a wise decision, but I won't lie and say it doesn't make me incredibly happy to see people out enjoying their lives.

Maybe it's helpful for you to know these things. To know that not every country is experiencing the virus like the US. I know it makes me feel better when I leave my little room and pass people on the streets, so maybe it'll make you feel better to know the world is still turning somewhere else too. It reminds me it's not the apocalypse, and even if it is the apocalypse I'm not sure how helpful it is to constantly remind myself of that fact. That's the beauty of cultural, economic, even political differences. If you or I feel stifled or confused or angry or anxious about what's happening in front of us maybe knowing that other places have different problems can help.
I wanted to share something I wrote after going out on Easter. I felt so conflicted and confused, and also so alone in my struggle to leave the house or not, so I wrote a stream-of-consciousness-like essay. Maybe I'm just being a brat or I'm being dramatic. But I wanted to let someone know how it feels to here in this time.


4/12/2020

Going outside could mean getting someone sick but I went outside today anyway. My goshiwon doesn’t have a window and I’ve hardly walked the past few days, and it’s also stuffy in my room because of the heater. But the heater was turned off recently because it’s spring now and my room’s turned cold, so I can’t use that as an excuse anymore.

Sometimes when I go out all is fine. And sometimes when I go out I’m racked with guilt and can’t sleep until 4 AM and so I contact anyone I think can give me the reassurance that I’m not awful.

Last week I stuck a note on my door that said, “For the sake of your own mental health stay in.” And I did that. I hardly left the room I call home, where I can touch each side of the wall with ease and only have space to work out if working out means jumping up and down in the same spot.

I stayed there for a week and yet on Sunday I wanted to go out and see nature. I live in the middle of a busy city street. The flowers were blooming. It was spring. It was Easter. I wanted the excuse to celebrate. First I was going to ride the bus to a nice park but talked myself out of that. Public transportation still feels like too much. Then it was cold and rainy so I didn’t want to go to see nature anymore.

So I ended up in a little café that opened out to the street. I ordered a dalgona milk tea because I wanted to be part of the dalgona craze and it was sweet and stuck to my teeth.

A friend I hadn’t met in a week contacted me. He takes my fears seriously but isn’t scared himself. But I wish he was scared. But then again does he have to be? There were only 4 new cases in Seoul today. Am I being too cautious? But the government wants us to stay away from meetings and schools and churches are still cancelled and everyone is still wearing masks. Is going to a café alone bad? Am I being too much? I have my mask. I’m sitting alone. I’m using my sanitizer…

I can’t tell what’s allowed and what’s not. I’ve never been able to tell.

Does the barista mind that I’m here? He decided to keep his café open. There’s lots of to-go orders though. Would he rather I’d asked for a drink to-go? But I wanted to be away from my room where I can’t see the sun and where it feels stuffy and where the girl in a room nearby keeps coughing.

People keep coming into the café. A guy sits beside me with a computer and a girl sits on the other side with her phone. Both order drinks which slowly disappear but every time I glance at the girl and the guy they have their masks on. I have mine on too. I wonder if they feel everything’s ok as long as they keep their masks on. I wonder if they’re as scared as me and go to the café because it’s one of the only places still available to go. Would it be better to be at home? But if they felt they were healthy enough to go out and if they felt that by going out and not getting sick or getting others sick they could prove that we don’t yet live in an apocalyptic world then I don’t mind even if they do get me sick. But if they went out because they actually don’t feel the weight of this apocalyptic world we now live in then I definitely mind if they get me sick.

How can I break the cycle of fear and cheer without putting others in danger?

I hate these social media posts, “With all the negativity out there I thought I’d share…” It’s a way to beat back the fear but it’s not working for me and I’m just annoyed. To me beating back the fear means acknowledging it and yelling about it and telling others how freaking scared I am.

There’s 5 people in the café now. Because it’s small and because I’m terrified it seems like a lot. The girl on my left clinks her straw/spoon against the ice (I didn’t look over to check), the guy on my right taps loudly at his keyboard, the barista in front handles different coffee gizmos to complete a to-go order, I’m not sure what the girl two seats over is doing. The delivery guy constantly comes in and out to load up drinks on his motorbike. He leans outside the door to cough. I tell myself I’m not shallow enough to assume in a city where .006% of the population has the virus he’s one of them.

Is it ok for me to be here? Apparently these people don’t mind that I take up space beside them. Maybe the barista opened his shop to prove all is fine. Maybe the guy with the laptop sat next to me even though there were chairs further away to prove all is fine. Maybe the girl clinking her ice against her straw/spoon and who only stayed for an hour to play on her phone came to the café to prove all is fine. 3 young people in masks sitting in a line. And the masks remind us how not fine everything is when we take them off to sip our drinks, and then cover our hands in the sanitizer that sits next to the café menu.

At home I spray everything with disinfectant and try not to feel guilty. Should I wash my hair? Could the virus live on my hair? And my clothes? Should I wash my clothes? Or my face? Should I wash my face? Instead I just take off my makeup and tie my hair.

I wonder if my friends will lose patience with me when I still refuse to meet with them. They might think I’m just trying to avoid them. Not so different from usual I guess. Being human with people has always been hard.

I check Instagram. I feel ashamed that I went out so I don’t post a picture of my pretty drink. Maybe when this is all over and I can explain the inner turmoil that accompanied every venture outside, but not now. I don’t want someone to condemn me more than I do myself.

My popular feed is full of people trying to show how creative and cheerful they can be in quarantine. Should I be one of them? But I’m not under quarantine. But should I be?

Some of my friends have taken pictures with cherry blossoms. Some went out for drinks, their masks tucked beneath their chins to show their smiles. Two of my friends met for coffee today. Neither wore a mask. Sometimes I message friends who still refuse to leave their homes for any reason. Sometimes I receive messages from friends who go out all the time and don’t understand my concern. I’m confused, and I feel like no one else is. People either go out or stay in. No one’s on the fence like me. No one seems to feel like both choices are the wrong ones like me.

You did well today.

In lieu of a happy ending, I'll instead let you know a friend messaged me after reading this and made me feel less alone. Whenever I make these updates I always find out how many people either share my feelings or love me through them. Thanks guys. 

Photos

Some doodles I made during online lectures.... 

April foods and drinks! (I made the pancakes all by myself 😊) 

Beautiful cherry blossoms by the river 

I liked this batch of bicycles we passed on our way home. 

More nature near Yonsei University 

Visited a Korean palace recently as a class assignment. 

The palace is famous for its gardens which are still tended to diligently today. 

안녕~  

안녕 part 2, featuring a cat I briefly petted at a café. 

Lovely café interior 

A Korean book I read in a day. It's a super confusing but interesting stream-of-consciousness that inspired me to write the essay above. 

Spent A LOT of my free time watching the Final Fantasy VII Remake playthrough. When you can't buy the game (or fit the console in your room for that matter), just watch others play! 😁

I've talked a lot about my room but some of you may not have seen it yet. I really don't dislike it but the space can get to me. It's cozy, I'll give it that. 

마무리까지 함계주셔서 고맙습니다! 다음에 꼭 뵙겠습니다!